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[May. 12th, 2008|03:29 pm] What do I do? What do I do? Months ago, I arbitrarily decided that I would meet my new boyfriend on November 14, 2008. At the time, there was no special signifigance to the date which made it sort of perfect. Now my mom wants to know if I would like to go to Florida with her and my sister on that date. So if I go with them do I ruin my chances, or is this somehow meant to be? It's too much pressure and, since this is totaly made up thing, no matter what I choose, I will pick the wrong thing. Help Internets, you are my only hope. link 22 comments|post comment

Kisses and Sparklers [May. 12th, 2008|09:23 am] When I was little, I wanted to date Han Solo, Ponch, and Starbuck. Notice a certain trend? Never the good one, never the quiet one -- I always liked the smokers, the drinkers, and the womanizers. I even preferred the Doctor on The Love Boat to Gopher. Leif Garrett over Sean Cassidy because, come on, Leif wore leather pants -- he was no Hardy boy. It wasn't until a college class that touched briefly on feminist literary criticism that I realized I didn't really want to date those guys. Let's face it, they all chose girls I could never be anyway -- the overly noble Princess Leia, the vaguely slutty and simpering Cassiopeia. The heart of the matter is that I want to be those guys**. I want to drink and smoke and womanize.*** I want to be dark, complicated and driven by unknowable things. Check, check, check, check, check. I've got it all except for the manizing**** because while that could have worked ok in the 70's, it was all over by 1981 or so. My problem has been that I've let myself remain convinced that I needed to be with someone who shared some of this propensity towards darkness in the hopes that they'd understand it. That's all bullshit of course; there can be no understanding. If I understood why I feel compelled to gulp from the whiskey bottle and demand the Eagles, I'd probably be able to stop doing it -- or at least knock it off before I wind up jogging for sobriety at three o'clock in the morning. If I can't suss it out, there's no way some guy who's just as bad as me is going to be able to. Instead, the situation usually winds up getting flipped on its head. As the relationship starts out, we are both equally mental and all over the bad decision making. As time goes on, my practical working class background starts to come out. There's a reason why even though I have a tendency to drink too much, spend too much and brood too much, I still have a house, a 401K, a savings account, and all the rest. During the week I dry myself out and eat salads. I pay the bills when the cash hits my account so I don't have a chance to burn it. I force myself to get the chores done before I throw away the night on video games and/or moping. For as bad as I can be, there's something in me that doesn't quite want to wind up dead or on the streets. Suddenly I'm the one saying, "put down the bottle and put out the fire," and I'm the one making chicken dinners and coming up with cash to pay the tow truck. The relationship never runs up against my anxiety, neurosis or inability to commit, because we never get past his. Men, these men anyway, seem to be so much better at pushing their problems to the front and ignoring their partners' issues. Before I know it, I've become the nag and the nester -- roles that are really completely unnatural to me -- and the relationship has become essentially unlivable. No more. Thanks to some gentle nudging from good friends, I've realized that I need my own Princess Leia, or Cassiopeia. To use the modern version of BSG, I need a Lee Adama, Sam Anders, or Leoben. Or maybe all three. At the same time. One for history and truth-telling, one for unconditional love and one for spiritual inspiration and stabbing. And I'll still need the rest of the flight group for getting hammered on Friday nights. I'm no longer going to date someone with issues and the ability to inflate those issues into something bigger than me and mine. It's my turn to be the dark, moody, conflicted, self-obsessed bastard and I need someone who will gently pry the whiskey bottle from my hand while distracting me with kisses and sparklers. Now, how do I post that job description on Nerve? **Thank you, thank you Sci-Fi channel for making my dreams come true. ***I've certainly heard "womanize" a million times, but I've never heard "manize". Is there another word for it? Is it assumed that woman are incapable of it? Or is it just that it's referred to as being "slutty" -- a description that puts the negative action back on the female and takes it away from the untouchable male? ****Wait. Now I think that word just doesn’t work because it's too close to sounding like "mayonnaise" and I really hate mayonnaise. link 4 comments|post comment

[May. 8th, 2008|08:24 am] From the Baltimore Sun, a shooting two blocks south and a four blocks west of my house. Wait, allow me to clarify: shooting about $35,000 in value away from my house. And at "shortly before eleven". That should not be an unsafe time. In fact, shortly before eleven I drove to the Santoni's for cat food. Should I start expecting that I could be shot in the middle of something as mundane as getting a fresh bag of Iams for the squalling furballs? I feel like this is the summer the city may burn. Man arrested after shooting woman in head By Richard Irwin Sun Reporter May 08, 2008 07:03 AM A man was arrested last night after he shot a woman in the head on an East Baltimore street, police said, an act of violence that was witnessed by an officer who fired at the gunman. The gunman's name and that of the woman were not available. Shortly before 11 p.m., Sgt. John V. Sieracki of the Southeastern District heard at least one gunshot and responded to the 3000 block of E. Baltimore St., where he saw a woman who had been shot in the head. Sieracki also observed a gunman and fired at least one shot at the man, who fled on foot. Police said the gunman was not shot by Sieracki and was captured a short time later and taken to the district police station. Police said the woman suffered a graze wound to the head and was taken by a city Fire Department ambulance to Johns Hopkins Hospital. She was expected to survive. link 2 comments|post comment

[May. 6th, 2008|11:15 pm] I saw the Bush One documentary on PBS tonight. Once it got up to Gulf War I, I had to turn it off. Remember feeling sick about that war when even the United Nations had passed a resolution in favor of it? Remember when a few thousand killed in a six week war seemed devastating? I never thought I'd think of that Bush as the good old days. And then there was the miracle of Clinton who turned dreams of universal health care into blow jobs with a side of bombing aspirin factories. This is why I have a PlayStation. I just can't think about this kind of stuff anymore. Thank God I finally got around to buying Katamari Damacy -- this could be even more effective at blocking out the world than Harry Potter. Interesting side note, my car ran out of gas the day the Gulf War started. My boyfriend and I had wanted to out but his dad, who worked for the "state department", insisted that he stay in and, golly, watch CNN. He got a pass from his dad and came over to fill up my car. I'm sure we stood outside shivering with fear and dutifully made out in some kind of life affirming way. link post comment

[May. 6th, 2008|10:56 pm] I've accidentaly discovered a nice way to save more money. I have a monthly budget that I pretty much never manage to stick to -- one of the privaleges of being a godless yuppie. Ususally, I've always got some cushion built in that intend to save or to throw at the car payment or whatever and I'd wind up throwing it away on Smarties and Propel. A few months ago I started transfering the cushion into my savings account as soon as all the big bills were paid. I still have to tap into it, but since I'm forced to liberate the money from my savings, I find that I'm less likely to pull out everything that I had put in and instead only take out maybe 70%. It's adding up quite nicely. I think it's a little bit like setting your alarm clock ahead by twenty minutes. You know that you can go back to sleep, but some oddity of human nature forces you to limit yourself to only lying there for ten minutes instead of the whole twenty. link post comment

[May. 5th, 2008|08:41 pm] Walking to work today, my heart happily popped when I saw trucks belonging to this company: Duran Duran, Inc. Silver Spring, Maryland Phone: 301-901-5429 or 202-310-2610 I am so going to call to see if Duran Duran can pave my backyard because that would hella fantastic. link 4 comments|post comment

Nascar Bowl [Apr. 30th, 2008|08:39 pm] I have been exceedingly tired this week and my back has been bothering me. It's a complete turn around from last week when I was out every night for a fast walk / slow jog. But that's ok, right? Some weeks you're tired and you just have to go to bed early. There's not much else for it. Anyhow, I had a good dream last night. I was headed off to the beach with my friend Tim and his wife Megan. As we packed up the car, Tim told me of his plan for Nascar Bowl. On Sunday, we would all go bowling at a place with big screen TV's and watch the race at the same time. He'd even devised a plan in which participants' scores would rise or fall based on the performance of their favorite driver. When I told Tim about this at work today, he was quite pleased and may, in fact, see if he can make Nascar Bowl a reality. My dream come true! link 2 comments|post comment

[Apr. 30th, 2008|12:18 pm] I love Baltimore and I love the East Side even more. Canton yuppies are fantastic because there's no pretension of "authenticity" or "communtiy involvement", they just flat out declare, "Hells no, you ain't putting no school that close to MY BMW. I've spent grueling hours at Gigantacorp typing officious memos -- you can't take this away from me!" And I feel very, very certain that if the city were granting permits to turn the old school into a retail center with Target and new bars, the neighbors would be quite pleased. I know I would be. Still if we want to know why Zach Sower's attackers behaved like savage animals, we might find that it was because we treated them that way. If'n you don't know what I'm talking about, here's the Baltimore Sun article: Canton Angry About School. link 1 comment|post comment

[Apr. 29th, 2008|07:08 pm] So, starkyld's post about her passport renewal inspired me to make sure I knew where my passport was -- since it's about four inches from my computer, it wasn't a struggle. I flipped through to look fondly at the stamps, all three of them, and... What? Wait? Three? You can't have three stamps, that doesn't make any sense. You must look again. Heathrow, 30 Dec 2004. Heathrow 23 Nov 2006. Homeland Security blah, blah, blah Jan 04 2005. And that's it. Did the US stop stamping and I just didn't notice it or am I actually in the UK in a coma and this is my subconcious mind just now bringing me back to reality? If it's the coma, that's complete bullshit because I could have made up better things than the banalities of the past year and a half. I do remember that when I got back the last time, the man who was questioning me got sidetracked in the middle of things. A flash went off by the baggage carousel and he snapped to attention -- "who the hell is taking a damn picture? You can't take pictures in here!" I mean, obviously a picture of the baggage carousel at BWI could present a HUGE security threat. So, I'm wondering if he was so excited that he waved me on stamp free? I was so overcome by his macho-freakout that I wouldn't have thought of it. Am I in some kind of trouble now? I mean, obviously, I'm here. Or there but in a coma. link 2 comments|post comment

[Apr. 28th, 2008|11:00 am] So, I'm really starting to think that this "carbon footprint" thing is nonsense. I've used three different "Carbon Calulators" and have found that mine is either 20% less or 60% less than the average American. If you google "Average American Carbon Dioxide", the first page of line items will tell you that the number is 5 Tons, 15,000 Lbs, or 20 tons. Pretty broad range, huh? Also, now that all of these big corporations are on-board with the Green Movement (because it's good marketing), I find that I'm really disturbed by the "Top Five Things You Can Do" lists they're all putting out. Cutting out airline travel seems to make all of theses lists. Does this strike anyone else as being vaguely Orwellian? Attention Plebian! You are here to produce and obey, it is not your place to travel to see how others live or to explore different cultures! The only reason to travel is to conduct wildly important business initiatives! Stay put! Stay put! Stay put! And back on the topic of smug email signatures, in response to the line "please consider the environment before printing this email", I'd like to change mine to "please consider the environment before reproducing." Would that be wrong? link 8 comments|post comment

Phone [Apr. 28th, 2008|06:55 am] My Tracphone is down to 77 minutes. Really, that's enough for another two to three months but it has me thinking about what I should do when it runs out. There's nothing to even think about, is there? If I were out of phone today, my price for the last seven months would have been $20/month -- that's title, taxes and tags. As it is, I think the time I have will probably last another two months and my cost will be about $15/month. I'm never going to find a plan like that. My phone isn't fun or fancy, but it's generally reliable. What it really comes down to is that I hate talking on cell phones. I think it's rude to take calls in front of other people, it cuts into "be here now", and will probably cause brain cancer. I seem to make plans via text (which only cost me a nickle) and email and save the drawn out chats for the landline which I have to have for the alarm system. I think I do need to buy a new phone though -- mine is having intermittent "sim" issues and there's no surer indication of imminent death. link post comment

It's a Trap! [Apr. 23rd, 2008|08:45 pm] [ Tags | sci-fi ] Most of the time when I watch "Jedi", I just skip right by all the actual Jedi stuff, because, lame. Mostly I like the movie to see the giant space battle and hear Admiral Akbar holler, "It's a TRAP!" Watching only the good parts, Han Solo and Rogue Squadron (then still known only as Red Squadron though aptly commanded by Wedge Antilles), I can get through the whole movie in like forty-five mintues. Tonight I decided to watch the last half hour or so. What is wrong with the darn Jedi? Is it just that Luke is stupid? If during a major battle of World War Two, I had found myself in a bunker with Hitler and Eichmann and had the means to hastily dispatch them both, I'd have done it. It wouldn't matter that they were blabbing on about how my hatred made me just like them, because I'm confident enough to know that's simply not the case. What is Luke's problem? Is he just taking himself way to seriously? I saw Cartoon Network's "Clone Wars" and I don't think Mace Windu would have had these issues. Was Lucas just fancying himself a modern Shakespeare and trying to play up some kind of Hamlet thing? Waste of time. Furthermore, Special Edition = Ugh. At the end we see celebrations on Coruscant, as in Imperial Center. So I gather the part the Special Edition leaves out are the loyalist troops mowing down the celebrants the next day. Back on Endor, why does Wedge never put down his helmet? It's obviously been hours since the battle ended. Is he worried the Ewoks are going to make off with it? And please, dear lord, don't tell me that's Wes Janson in the background dancing with Ewoks. He must have been loaded. I'm not even going to comment on the ghostly vision of Anakin. That's just f'd up. George Lucas, you're a jerk. My friend Tim always says that he's done with SW. Between the Special Editions and the crappy Prequels, he feels like Star Wars cheated on him. I can't say I disagree, I'm just very good at deciding what I think is canon and blocking out the rest. link 3 comments|post comment

[Apr. 22nd, 2008|11:00 pm] [ Tags | sci-fi ] I really hate when I figure shit out. I was just thinking about Spike, because, yes, I do think about "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" a lot** and I realized why Spike is the most fantistic imaginary boyfriend ever. He's been that terrible, dangerous, alcoholic, violent, dark, moody and incredibly hot boyfriend that I love so much. But then he got a soul and is now kind, wise, and can out-Darcy Mr. Darcy any day of the week. He's the ultimate fantasy of that bad boy who loves a girl so much, that he's finally cured of his wicked ways. So what this really means is that I'm ten and have absolutely no business dating anyone ever which is fine because, frankly, there's no one to date. **A hearty "take that" to my manager who the other day said, "You should go to grad school now -- you go home to nothing." Please. I know that married people with children think there lives are so full and so rewarding but, seriously, between Buffy, BSG, writing, cat maintenance, Dr. Who, chores, exercise, city life adventures, naval gazing, friends, blogging, and the other nine million things I do, I've got less time than he does. He just chose to fill his empty life with a family. BORING. Besides which, if I did go to grad school I most certainly would not be working towards an MBA. LAME. I've heard the horror stories of business school group-work and I think I'd really rather pick up trash along the highway with the convicts. The people would be nicer and about a million times more interesting. link 6 comments|post comment

[Apr. 21st, 2008|11:26 pm] PS - I just dropped my wallet in the toilet and now my credit cards and my dry-cleaning tickets are all wet with freedom. I'm such an awesome girl that I find this HILARIOUS. link 9 comments|post comment

[Apr. 21st, 2008|01:14 pm] From the Baltimore Sun: Woman, 74, fatally stabbed in her Remington home. So, this is really disturbing: "Her [house] alarm went off -- she was definitely in distress, and we called police," said Jason Rosenberg, 39, a neighbor who said he heard the woman's screams coming through the wall of his bedroom on the second floor. "It was horrible." Because I like to think that if my house alarm were going off and I were screaming, someone would come save me. But I guess not. I guess I'll just be dead.** **In no way do I mean to criticize Mr. Rosenberg who probably feels awful as it is. I wasn't there and can't say what he did/didn't/should have done. Who knows what to do when something awful like that is happening. link 5 comments|post comment

[Apr. 20th, 2008|10:05 pm] This morning after I hung up the phone having made plans for an afternoon trip to Target, the rumbling thunder started. This worried me as I only had a couple of hours to get in a shower, lunch, laundry and a fast walk / slow jog over at Patterson Park. It's become my new Sunday tradition to hike a big loop over there. I walk down the Linwood side, around the boat lake, and then run accross the grass tromping up the big hill to the Pagoda. I'm out of breath once I make it up the hill so I walk over to the big circle near the little fenced off gardens and stand on these two marble slabs -- it's the best view in the park or was until that godforsaken First Mariner Bank Building came poking up from the ground like a giant gerkin. After I've surveyed the city, I walk back over to the little gardens to see who's planted what in their patches. From there I run along the Baltimore Street side of the park until I get back to the gate at Linwood again. I never run on the paved paths. When we were kids, did we run on concrete or did we run accross lawns and fields and other great patches of grass and dirt? I don't run because I want to be a sleek runner ready for some kind of marathon -- I run because I want to feel alive and burn off stress and be ready for the cylon invasion. I let the people in "training" stick to the paths -- I'm running in the grass. I heard the thunder; I saw the rain. I put on my shorts and my sneakers anyway. It was one of the best days in the park I've ever had. The tiny new leaves against the dark bruised sky flouresced in baby leaf green. Pink and white petals blew down from the flowering trees like a springtime snowstorm. The BSSC yuppies all ran for their cars and there was just me -- just me and the rain the thunder and the grassy hills. Bad weather is like a secret invitation. There's an entirely different city, an entirely different park to be seen and it's like I'm the only one brave enough to explore it. There's nothing lovlier than the adversity of nature expressed as ice cold rain running down your back and soft ground that gives and slides under your feet when you're running and running and can feel nothing but the joy of being cold, winded, sweaty, fast, free, wet, alive. It was heaven. link 3 comments|post comment

[Apr. 19th, 2008|01:15 pm] Here is a link to the MVA's pre-test for getting a learner's permit. I'm happy to say that I only got two questions wrong, but, sadly, it didn't tell me which two so I guess if that ever comes up, I'm screwed. It's worth taking for questions like: If you see a blind pedestrian walking with a guide dog ahead on your side of the road, what should you do? A) Speed up and see how close you can get. B) Stop and tell them that they should be walking on the other side. C) Exercise extreme care and be prepared to stop. I need to know who wrote this test, I really do. link 6 comments|post comment

[Apr. 18th, 2008|06:53 am] I lost five whole pounds. ( I hate these kind of posts because they'd always make me kind of resent the person for sounding braggy and on top of it I feel bad for being jealous, so feel free to skip it. ) link 11 comments|post comment

[Apr. 17th, 2008|10:26 pm] I cleaned out my refrigerator tonight. I think I had jars of mustard in there from when I first moved in -- I'm not really a condiments kind of person. Anyway, it's sparkling and barren and good. I want to fill up the empty spaces with Diet Pepsi and Propel. Oddly, I don't keep much in the way of beer in my fridge. There's something about drinking alone at home that makes me feel like I might be crossing some kind of line. It's probably not even that. If I'm going out, there's a 99% chance that beer is going to be involved somewhere along the line so I tend to revel in sobriety on at home nights. Though it would be nice to keep a few six packs on hand so that I can grab them on my way out to people's houses instead of having to stop in the weirdo liquor store all the time. link 6 comments|post comment

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